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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT"In the beginning of my career (1972) I hardly had any understanding of "spirituality". On the contrary, after religion was forced upon me as a child, I resolutely rejected everything related to it.
Soon after You sent a wise man to me with Your prophecy about my future mission (1972), consisting of the Parcival Legend as the underlying dynamism ("archetype") of my entire spiritual life.
I was a little giggly about it, since this came to me as from another world. Hence, I didn't pay any attention to it at all. Shortly after the "incident" was forgotten.
In the mean time, You granted me extra-ordinary talents as a (holistic) medical doctor, to the benefit of many. The energy You granted me was well spent. With ceaseless enthousiasm I devoted myself to natural medicine.
In my personal relationship a lot had to be learned though. This was proportional to all that "I had to endure", which wasn't little. After having reached rock bottom You came to rescue me.
As a consolation You sent me a dream in which it was guaranteed, that I would certainly arrive in the Light, anyway with the obligation to subsequently become fertile.
Not that I experienced this as an "instruction from above". At that time I had no idea at all, that You or whoever was behind it. Only now - in retrospect - I realize that I as a part was directed by the Whole.
You helped me in taking a new step in awareness by sending me Karl Graf Dürckheim on my Path, who taught me the way of awakening (Zen) e.g. the discovering of my true Self.
After that - while I was taking a rest in between the consultation hours - You showed me Your Grail Vision (1974), something that deeply moved me. The meaning: "Awaken!, restructure your life and serve others" would become the guideline for the rest of my life.
Only realizing much later that it contained Your Message to the world (1974), after some time being followed - also without any doing on my part - by Your instructions to writing the Ultimate Sutra (1978).
Next, thanks to Your unimaginable Grace - and facilitated by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh - suddenly and totally unexpected You granted me the unique Threefold Realization, consisting of destruction of my entire existence ("Absolute Nothingness"), immediately followed by dissolution into Your Eternal Light Body ("Full Enlightenment"), together with descending into the Underworld, which is Your Destruction Body ("Great Death") (1977).
As if this wasn't enough, You granted me ten years of uninterrupted Bliss (1977-1987), again with Great Experiences and a carefree life - living in the Eternal Moment (as a "lily in the field") - in which I was wandering around as "God's fool".
This innocence was put to an end though. As had been predicted by the Vision You then have let me suffer tremendously for many years (1987-2002), in which I had to integrate the suppressed parts of my old self into the New Identity.
It was a time in which I was simultaneously painfully confronted by "the world", a period in which, again by Your limitless Blessings, I was also able to write down the stages of the spiritual Path (The Integral Way), not to mention all other writings (The Great Learning) for which You gave me inspiration. Thanks to You my teachings have become universal.
You know my vanities and my need for recognition already before I was confronted by them. It consisted(s) of the temptation of using Your gifts for my own purposes. Because You knew how weak I was to this, You let me enter into this struggle entirely by myself.
To use Enlightenment for your own purposes is the greatest temptation a human being can become confronted with. I was blessed, that I was always keenly aware of the true nature of this struggle. Only after I was put with my back against the wall, You held out a hand to me.
It consisted of revealing YourSelf - Cosmic Vacuum e.g. Emptiness beyond Emptiness - to me as the Dimension beyond the Light. Through this insight I understood, that Enlightenment is not the Ultimate...through which the obsession was dropped.
Contrary to the Light you cannot realize, possess or attain the Vacuum. You may only entrust, surrender or devote yourself to It. That's why not Self-realization, but devotion is the highest stage in spirituality. Praise the Mother!
I originate from Her ("son") while continuously returning ("lover"). This is the greatest thinkable gift e.g. the ultimate joy. It is what I Really Am. Hence, I proudly bear the name Solo ("Son/Lover").** Solo is existential; Sermes is functional. The general name for people in the Great Mother tradition is "Mother-Worshipper" ("MoWo") or "Original". The latter because they are relating themselves to the True Origin.
As if this wasn't enough, You sent Teresa of Avila ("Magistra Universalis")* to me "to take care of me" (joke). You granted me her as my spiritual sister, a gift for which I am immensely grateful. With unflagging zeal she teaches me what is most difficult to me: surrender.
* I am grateful to all those, who inspired me on my spiritual Path, in particular also Shinran Shonin and Jodo-Shinshu Buddhism, because of their emphasis on "Other Power".
Most of all, I am grateful to Sri Ramakrishna because of his life of devotion to the Mother. His Being is my Being (and all other Being....). His example resonates with my deepest longing and gives me the courage to make the last step in my life: a life of utter surrender to the Great Mother.
I am happy - in an earlier phase of my life - to have written down all "my great ideas". At least I have fullfilled my obligations toward society. The reality of everyday life is namely, that I - despite myself - become smaller all the time and my aims accordingly. "Not my will, but Thy Will will be done".
The fact that the worries (for tomorrow) are dropped, is a good sign. That I needed such a detour is giving cause to great humility - which says everything about my obstinate character - in order to eventually end up with simplicity.
Beside it You are confronting me again and again with my greatest weakness: the desire for recognition. In no uncertain terms You make me clear, that self-centeredness and love are excluding each other. O, what a regret and remorse. Will I ever learn?
Until you created an environment (three months stay in Santa Monica, CA), in which you were guiding me in an amazing way toward complete inner integration, while preparing the next step in life. Re-connecting my life to the archetypical masculine (The Green Man), while committing myself to the crisis mankind is in ("Healing the Planet in 7 Steps"), resulting in regaining my original strength, while confirming my mission.
Finally, again after suffering and struggle, I became aware of the fact, that You understand me far better than I do myself. That "I don't have to do it myself anymore". From that moment on I started to give everything out of hands, trusting that You will take care of it. Ever since - after 65 years - true peace has taken possesssion of me.
What a luck that You make me continuously aware of the fact that only a life of surrender to You, in which I will never cease to praise, to honor and to thank You for all the exceptional Blessings, bestowed by You upon me, is the only and ultimate fulfillment".
The last stage has only just begun. Through the Grail Chalice the Mother showed me the ultimate purpose of life: to unconditionally pouring myself out e.g. loving all "living and non-living beings". On this Path I am still a beginner and will always be. I always look at the Mother: how She is pouring HerSelf out.
Humility and joy are two sides of the same coin.
Praise the Mother! Gratitude.
By the Grace of the Great Mother, the All-Embracing Cosmic Womb, Queen of Heaven, Mother of God.
© 2005 Copyright Han Marie Stiekema