The Original Great Mother Tradition
Mother Worship

MatriTalks 32


Questions & Answers
Han Marie Stiekema Sermes

First She sent me that wise man on my path
Green like I was
Listening with unbelief and chuckling within
What he had to say
About the pattern of my future life
A Legend, an Archangel and my Mission to mankind
Please, was this it?
And I showed him out

Apparently, while I was pursuing my career
She hadn't forgotten me
Because, in a stolen moment
She showed me the splendor of Her Imaginary Body
The Vision of the Grail
You certainly won't believe it
Neither did I
After which I resumed my daily routine

A few years later

Suddenly, the Lightning struck
The Mother destroying my entire existence
Absolute Nothingness
Immediately after dissolving into the Eternal Light
Lasting the whole day
No memory, just Knowing
Joy, joy!

Praising the Incomprehensible Mother
She gives while She takes
I know Her only as my Destroyer
How sweet She is

Granting me Her Light Body
Anointing me with Heavenly Oil
Totally unexpected, no striving on my part
Like an Immaculate Conception
Turning my life totally upside down
Never will I be the same anymore

As if this is not enough
The night after She finishes Her job with me
It seems She wants to be sure of Herself
Apparently with me no risks can be taken
So She let me descend into the Underworld
Thoroughly plunging me in Her Ocean of Angst
My body/mind totally wiped out
The ultimate horror
Only my awareness surviving
After an exhausting night, in the morning

The Mother is the Ultimate Reality
She gives Her Light Body freely
To a fool, who knew of nothing
Her Wisdom is unfathomable
Apparently doing this for no reason
No explanation
She just lets it happen 

Mother, when I look at You
Tears come in my eyes
The Presence of Your Nothingness
Is Overwhelming
I spontaneously prostrate
Muttering under my breath
Something like "I don't know how to thank You"
Feeling totally clumsy
You are making fun of me

Then She gave me some time off
Let me play with Her Earthly Body
Roaming around the country
Without a house, without direction
Everything happening in One Eternal Moment
Like a child, carefree and always full of joy
The triumph to be on top of the mountain
Drinking the nectar of life thoroughly
No needs, no goals, no anxieties
Assuming that it will never end
Until She decided
Enough is enough

True, I picked it up without resistance
The challenge She imposed on me
Of going back into the world
The beginning of a tough learning process
The Mother showing no Mercy whatsoever
For which I was very grateful indeed

Now I understand
Paradise was just granted
In order for me to hold out "hell"
Taking on my cross again and again
Obviously, only the very stubborn ones
Have to suffer most
I feel sorry for the Mother
Forced to work so hard on me
To overcome my ego

The more I was able to accept
The more my Wholeness was growing
Increasingly, I understood the Mother's Compassion behind
Moments of true surrender
In which I felt Her invitation
She truly wants me!

Knowing my slothfulness
(Having patience with me for almost 30 years already)
She was then speeding up the process
By sending Teresa of Avila on my path
A supreme sister, guide and counselor
The one who taught me "how" to worship

Mother, how loving You Are
Increasingly surrounding me with Your Grace
Making me a prisoner of the Eternal
More and more giving up my own businesses
Replacing my own plans, projects and ideas by Hers
When are you going to work for Me She asked
Just a little more time I answered

Then the patience of the Mother was over
Again and again
She let me feel how miserable I was without Her
Putting me with my back against the wall
Suddenly I felt the benediction of not having a choice
And I fell on my knees

Back                Next

| HOME | Autobiography | Personal Reactions | Picture Gallery | Poetry | Q & A online | MatriTalks |

  2000 Copyright Han Marie Stiekema
Last revising: 02/07/10