Q & A 7
Meeting friends
The first question: HMS, for quite
some time I feel so restless and also depressed, I hardly can find inner peace. What could
it be?
1. Dear friend. Whatever happens to your life, you always
start with acknowledging the fact. Thus say to yourself: „ yes, I am restless".
Normally you resist unwelcome feelings. It prevents you from feeling the pain behind it.
By doing so you constantly reject parts of yourself, parts which are not allowed to belong
to the whole. A deep non-acceptance lies at the bottom of it. The everyday suppressing of
one part by the other is a very energy consuming activity indeed! By acknowledging it
though, you stop the fighting. It is a big relief already. In order to know what it is,
you have to allow it to enter your deeper layers. Relaxation will be necessary. In this
openness you keep feeling the emotion, while simultaneously watching it. You are feeling
your body in contact with the ground, while asking your question to your Self, to
„its centre" somewhere in your pelvis. It is important, that your head is not
interfering. A quick answer by your mind, will be almost always wrong. Just relax, feel
your bodily roots with the ground and wait. Enjoy the state of not-knowing. Then, because
you were not expecting - hindering! - it, an answer will - suddenly - occur to you. And it
will be a surprise. If the answer is right, there will be always a deep recognition. And
this will be the proof: together with the answer, the body will experience a deep relief.
A sigh, a shivering, some shaking, an outburst of joy or tears will be there. Whatever the
answer, a sweet gratitude will always take possession of you.
The second question: HMS, for many
years I am practising Vipassana meditation. Sometimes it is really a great experience, in
which I forget myself completely. However, no matter how sincere my daily practice is, the
ego simply doesn’t seem to disappear. To the contrary, it seems to become even
stronger.
2. Dear friend. Yes, you are right, by trying to get rid
of the ego, it only will become stronger. You are like a Don Quichote fighting the
windmills. Your practice is that of „shadow-boxing". First you create
„something", which you call „ego" and then subsequently you start
fighting against it. Your practice is a vicious circle. The solution I give you is this:
If you don’t give it a name, if you don’t put a label on it, it simply
doesn’t exist! So from now on you don’t know what „ego" is, you have
never heard of it, you will never use the word anymore and you will certainly be fine.
Okay? Try it.
The third question: You often talk
about „feeling awareness". Could you explain what it is?
3. Beloved Hillary. In order to jump from your periphery
to your Center you need your body. Your body is the „vehicle of the spirit".
After all, you need to relax and that is only possible in your body. Relaxation creates
inner space. By becoming aware of it, you are your Center, the Here and Now. As you know
the HereNow is the only reality. Living in the HereNow you are present, alert, aware. Once
in your Center you are free. You are watching your periphery, while a short while ago you
were still caught by it. From the timeless inner dimension you watch your thinking, your
memories and your dreams. This „jumping" is almost always made via the body
though. Only by consciously feeling the body, the power of identification with your
periphery will become weaker. Haven’t you noticed? Once your awareness opens itself
to bodily feeling, the thinking disappears. Hence feeling and watching have a positive
feedback towards each other. The greater your clarity of mind, the more intense the bodily
sensations and viceversa. This is called „feeling awareness". Awareness and
energy grow together, you first have to become the body in order to transcend it. Without
a manipulative attitude though. You simply enjoy the body as a part of yourself and all
the miracles will spontaneously come out of it. Just feel your feet in contact with the
floor. Watch and feel. Together with the increasing intensity of the sensations your
alertness will grow accordingly. And don’t concentrate! Concentration is by
will-power, it will make you tired. No, just open yourself up to the sensations which are
there already. Don’t go out, but let them come to you, as you stay where you are, in
your center. The miracle is this: the more you are enjoying your energies, the more your
inner Being will expand. Without doing any effort. You are a flower inhaling the flavors
of life and hence opening yourself up more. I know you are going to master it easily.
The fourth question: Dear HMS,
you call people who have come home „Originals". Could you explain to me what it
means?
4. Dear friend. If you really understand, that there is no need to go
anywhere, that there is no path to go, then you simply relax into What-You-Are-Already.
Then you will discover, that in the HereNow your roots are twofold: your spirit
(awareness) having its home in the Ultimate and your body being part of the earth. If then
you experience this twofold Origin to be the gate to your true Nature, when the dual melts
into Oneness, when you have discovered and Realized this fundamental Truth, then you will
be an Original.
The fifth question: HMS, How
would you define yourself?
5. To be Nothing is to be everything. Nothing Is. So you
are Emptiness including every form, every definition. Rather than denying your small self,
you give it the space it needs. Loving yourself unconditionally, that is where it all
about. You let it play its play, while remaining the watcher. The small self is your toy,
the dog taken out, that with which you enjoy yourself. By accepting every part of
yourself, life will be totally relaxed, enjoyable and full of surprises. Everything is
leela - the play of God - nothing should be taken seriously. The definitions my small self
likes most are: envoy of the Great Mother, God’s fool (see picture above), servant of
Heaven and earth, lover of the goddess and "facilitator of the European
emperor/empress".*
*) See: http://welcome.to/EIAR/
(In Dutch)
The sixth question: What can you do
if confronted with the fear of death?
6. Beloved friend. Usually the fear of death is the fear
of the idea of death. Even just the word can create tremendous fear in you. In that case
your fear comes from your emotional, the imaginative and mental „bodies", the
mind. Some traumatic event, some bad words, some threat must have been there in the past.
Or you have really approached the experience of death in some way or another. In that case
the fear of loosing yourself will be the main factor, the fear of dissolving into the
Great Unknown. In both cases the cause of your fear is the same: the fear of not being
there. It is originating from the clinging to your small self, the only dimension you
know. In fact, you don’t know who you really are. If you knew it, then the fear of
death would be non-existent. Once you experience your true Self your fear will be over,
for in your innermost Being the small self will disappear in a most natural way. The
paradox is this: once you die into your Self you LIVE. Once you have discovered, that your
small life is death and death is Life, then you will never be the same anymore. You have
overcome death by becoming It.
The seventh question: HMS, why is it
that I am not happy?
7. Beloved friend. Every time you hear yourself asking
„why", notice that you do it from the position of the outsider. You are
separated from happiness, hence your question. Any „why" question indicates,
that you persist in your alienation from life. Haven’t you experienced? Once totally
absorbed by dancing, making love, cycling, working or gardening, never any „why"
question will come up. On the contrary: if while dancing you would ask yourself „why
I am dancing here", the joy of dancing will be over immediately. Therefore, the only
answer I have for you is this: every time a „why" question comes up, you realize
to have lost contact with reality. Hence restoring contact with your Self, your body and
its direct surroundings, will be your most important step to happiness.
The eighth question: I have been to
many workshops, trainings etc. I know how to visualize, do affirmations, release my
tensions and still I am feeling empty. Could you help me?
8. Dear Mark. I know of your desperate efforts for
Self-realization. However, by manipulating the mind, you will probably never ever
experience it. You have to let go of every ambition whatsoever. The very effort is
blocking the opening to your inner Self.
The ninth question: HMS, teachers
say that everything is „within". However, my greatest joy is raising my children
and working in the garden. Is there something wrong with me?
9. Beloved Anne. Everything within is illusionary, unless
you come to your real Self. Everything without is real, until you come to
Self-realization. Take everything as-it-is, enjoy life as it presents itself to you. Be
grateful. That you may become Life Itself, for that may help you Life.
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